“Worst Ever” Winners

I wrote about the 2002 Tech Standards “worst evers” in a post on things to avoid when writing procedures and instructions. However, when I found other years’ Worst ever, I couldn’t resist adding to it.

For 2003 here are some of the excerpts:

The winning entry begins: “1. Be tights part E with part I together by fitting M. Also can be installation handle part J in this side.” It ends with “6. Test stranger & use on.” Because we all want to test strangers.

The runner up, which might have won had it not been submitted late, was for a car alarm and was entirely written in caps.

For 2005:

The winner is a single page labeled HDD assembles elucidation.

A few notable excerpts:
“Heading up the upper cover to turn over to rise…”
“Cover up and down to separate then and completely…”

The runner up is instructions for using a jack hammer.

“Before operating the jacks. first .insert the notched end of the handle into the release valve. —The diagram does not show a handle anywhere, and refers to a “release valve lever.”
Insert operating handle in the socker and the ram is steadily raised…” —The socker?
“Select point of action according to gravitational center place the jack on the hardness ground if necessary.”

And you can see the most confusing directions on a remote, ever!