English Jokes, to relieve the grading crunch

I know these are mostly younger ages, but they still ought to make you smile!

Teacher: John. Give me a sentence beginning with ‘I’.
John: I is the…
Teacher: No, John. You must say “I am” not “I is.”
John: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
(Hutchinson 1985, 86)

My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him “What was the name of his other leg?”

Headmaster: I’ve had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing?
Johnny: Nothing, sir.
Headmaster: Exactly.

Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?”
Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?”

PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?”
TEACHER:” Of course not.”
PUPIL: “Good, because I didn’t do my homework.”

Teacher: Did you father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself

One teacher said this to his students before the final test.
“A” is for God.
“B” is for me and my wife.
“C” is for the perfect student.
“D & F” are for all other students.

Student: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

Teacher: Beebo, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Beebo: No, teacher, it’s the same dog!

Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Beebo: A teacher

After an English test with particularly disastrous results, the teacher scolds the class and then she asks that everybody, who thinks that they are not particularly good at English, should stand up. For quite a while all students just look at each other, but nobody moves. Finally, Johnny slowly stands up. “Very good, Johnny”, says the teacher, “at least you realize where your weakness is and that gives you an opportunity to improve.” “Oh, but I don’t think I’m very bad at English, Madam” says Johnny, “I simply felt sorry for you standing there all alone.”

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